“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
I have not been able to write at length for a time. In August, I suffered one of the worst migraines I have ever had. After a trip to the ER and a few days recovering, we began to realize I suffered a mini-stroke. No major damage. However, I have trouble with words. I have trouble finding the words I need or want. I can forget how I wanted to end a sentence in the middle of speaking. Before having a conversation, I need to know what I am going to say and rehearse it well so I do not stumble. Thankfully, I am beginning to see some improvement. Memory exercises and short daily writings help.
However, I am left with more fear than I thought possible.
Trials are never easy, unless you don’t realize it is a trial. Illness robs you of the pride of life and false security that comes with youth. I am not yet thirty (though it is only months away now) and I wonder what each day, month, or next year will bring now. I worry that I am now disqualified for those goals and dreams I wanted of a certain career, husband, and children. I wonder if I will be wanted knowing the uncertainty of health.
Yet in these numerous questions and setbacks of 2013 (and about seven previous years) I have been forced to grow closer to the Father. He has opened my eyes to the uncertainty of not only health, but of the foolishness of storing treasure here. My pain brings glory and praise not for me or this life and present time, but for God to get all praise in my life. I trust and know beyond the shadows and depths of the pit that the perfecting of my faith is preparing me for the glory of God beyond this realm. The Lord walks beside me even in the darkness and he will carry me through. Whether the trials become so difficult they lead to death, hope is beyond the grave and death has no power over my soul. This is my faith and is what carries me through the darkest days of pain and sorrow that come from every side imaginable. Pain on earth is but for a moment compared to eternal joy in the presence of the Father in Heaven.
The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and save me for his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen. – 2 Timothy 4:18