Month: January 2014

Sunset

I keep looking over the rainbow for
Some place where the light burns brightly in my soul,
Some place where smiles are still known.
Somehow, I keep looking for you over my shoulder,
And I wonder where you are in the empty void.
I search for blue skies among the dark clouds,
Green grass in a barren land;
All so far away from the once upon a time we knew.
Somewhere over the rainbow, I see a life that could be.
Yet,
When I look into your heart, my soul cries out from the pain.
You’ve become disillusioned and blind,
But you are still my love and always will be.
Only, now I see there is no more I can do.
There is no more I can say to you.
I look off to the horizon,
As the sun’s light fades from you.
My heart breaks
And tears held back with walls
Are now crashing down,
As the sun finally sets on my time with you.

A Thought to Ponder When Bonds are Broken

A friend loves at all times, and kinsfolk are born to share adversity. Proverbs 17:17

My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted Galatians 6:1

In our friendships and relationships, we encounter not only new personalities, but the past experiences we all bring to these new bonds. It is most frustrating when these bonds are severed by the stubborn reluctance to turn away from the poison of the past. I have a small circle of friends, but most of these are people I have deep bonds with that have formed over many years. This circle has only been broken twice. Both times, the severing of ties was incredibly painful. It is recently that the second bond was severed. This was indeed the most painful since it has always been in my mind the deepest bond I shared beyond my family. However, as I tried to hold and strengthen this bond, it became increasingly obvious that it was no longer the respectful, loving and pure bond I once found. What I began to see was a shell of the relationship we once had. I tried so hard to help ease the pain my friend was feeling, but I began to feel resistance at the help. The love had become anger, envy, jealousy, mockery, and pain.
The boiling water of past and present sins splashed on me. And I began to truly know their pain. So, I prayed more, I doubled my efforts, and it only hurt more.
Then, at my lowest point I saw the efforts not of my prayers and what I could do, but how much it was in the Father’s hands to work. I began to see my ignorance in how deep sin can run and how painful it becomes to everyone involved. I was not enough. I alone in my efforts was too weak to bear my friend’s burdens and not be affected.
So, I let go.
As much as we want to hold on at times, the work can only begin when we let go. Not just a “let go and let God.” No, let go of what you expect, of what you desire and let go of the past that has become your poison. Let go and move forward when the past holds you down like a pinned MMA fighter. Let go when holding on is holding you back from the work that must be done. Those blind to their own pain cannot see the pain they will cause in others.
The bond that should not be broken is that we have with the All Knowing and Living God. He is so much better at being God than we are at being human. If we are not honest in how weak we are, we can do no good to those around us. On both sides of this severed friendship, the autopsy revealed that it was both of our weaknesses and pride to hide them that lead to the death of one of the deepest human bonds I have had. Yet, through it all, God is my refuge. The God of my heart has my heart above any other. May God Bless you and your relationships this year and the years to come.